Tim Goodman. The Bastard Machine

"The Riches" Season 2 DVD comes out March 24. Sad. And funny.

Funny because people who listen to our TV Talk Machine podcast will laugh at that in-joke (the short of it: lots of people have asked over the last two years, "When is The Riches coming back" and it became a great call-back joke since I never really had the answer until, well, they weren't coming back).

Sad because I really loved that show and wished FX had stuck with it. But the (equally sad) truth of the matter is that television is a business and if the audience isn't there, there's no business. FX stuck with "The Riches" after Season 1 because Minnie Driver and Eddie Izzard were excellent, there was real opportunity in the quirky premise and most of the reviews were positive. The decision was made that "The Riches" really had to gain an audience in Season 2, but then the strike happened and cut "The Riches" (and "Dirt," also on FX) season total to seven episodes. I knew then that it was over. There was no ending, no chance to wrap up the storyline. New viewers wouldn't come to strike shortened season (proven on the network side as well) and seven episodes just isn't enough to find out if the series is going to work or not. It was a bad combination. A financial decision had to be made. FX isn't like a network with loads of spare cash. Pretty much everything it makes has to work.

Anyway, if you want to see the final seven episodes and a featurette on Izzard, the DVD hits the streets on March 24. Judging by the press release I just got, it will also bear a quote from my review: "...gloriously inventive, daring and provocative." Indeed it was. I hope Izzard wasn't kidding about trying to make it into a movie.

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Jan 06 at 03:45 PM

First TV Talk Machine podcast of 2009. Actual content! Whoops, our bad.

The holiday songs have been sung, the presents unwrapped (thanks, Santa, for the velveteen shorty robe) and we have said goodbye to 2008 (velveteen shorty robe a HUGE hit at the party). Vacation, holidays, sick days - all over. Time to work in the new year. So here it is, our very first TVTM podcast of 2009. In a surprising twist, we actually have some TV related content here. Lots of it, actually. And by the time our second TVTM goes up on Thursday (or whenever - some things never change) we will have effectively bridged the gap between lost letters and forgotten calls of 2008 and the timely reading and playing of same in 2009. In short, we were efficient and productive. Which brings us (us being Yours Truly, Question Boy and Manny) to the root of the issue in this first podcast: Should we make some changes, add some elements, spruce it up a bit? Maybe some regular features, some more technical wizardry, a touch of info? Let us know. We got one caller already who said don't change anything, just make it appear on time. To that, we say "done." Enjoy. Or, "enjoy." You can send TV related questions to tgoodman@sfchronicle.com. If you're in the United States, we have a toll free hotline for calls, songs, and whatnot: 1-888-SFC-TVTM. If you live internationally and are part of our rapidly expanding world domination (except for Latin America, which continues to hurt our feelings by ignoring us), you can call 415-777-8821. If you an MP3 you'd like to send, the address is podcasts@sfgate.com.

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Jan 06 at 12:35 PM

Most anticipated January show? "Lost," "BSG," "24" - don't say "Idol."

Well, we're off and running in 2009. It's been a while since my last post and this should get things back up to speed. My column in the Chronicle today was a table-setter for what's coming up in January - which is essentially the real start to the TV season, given the retreads and general lameness of the fall launch.

So, what's the series you're most excited about seeing in January? My Top 5 list - in order, as always: 1. "Lost." 2. "Battlestar Galactica." 3. "Damages." 5. "Flight of the Conchords." 5. "United States of Tara."

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Jan 05 at 03:06 PM

My Top 25 Television Shows of 2008

As a 49ers fan, I don't mind that the last game victory and Mike Singletary getting the head coaching job ruined any chance of massive front page promotion for my Best TV Series of 2008 list. But in case you missed it, here's all 25 picks, in order. Of course, posting it on The Bastard Machine gives regular readers a chance to, um, quibble, if they must. So, do you agree or disagree on the list? Shows left off that you love? Shows included that you love ranked too low? Reasonable people can disagree. Just please don't say "You forgot...." Everybody says that. I didn't forget anything, trust me. If it's not on there, I have a reason. (Most common reason: It didn't deserve to be.) Better to say, "I can't believe you left off...." Or, "Maybe the back meds have ruined your ability to think clearly..." Etc. In any case, it was a labor of love. I had a fun time compiling it (despite the back). I revised shows up and down a lot. But I'm happy with the picks and ready to, um, "discuss," if you'd like.

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 29 at 11:42 AM

2008: The TV Year in Lists.

Well, 2008 is almost out the door. On Monday, the print edition of The Chronicle will run my Best Television of 2008 list, which features my picks for the Top 25 shows on television - in order. There's probably a good chance SFGate will put that up online later today, as it did with my two previous lists. In case you missed those, and since I never linked to them from this blog for comments from my regulars (sorry, been out sick, vacation and then completely derailed by a back injury- my current sad-sack state) here are the two lists that already ran:

The Year in News Events can be found here.

The Good, the Bad and the Weird can be found here.

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 28 at 12:55 PM

The end of the year is weird. And it's not just because I had a dream about elves.

Other than Christmas, which I can't stop telling you how much I love (see previous posts on Christmas music, Christmas trees, Christmas presents, etc.), the end of the year is weird. It really is. It could be a thing that's weird only in my odd life. But here's what happens: TV shows peter out, giving way to holiday specials that I already own on DVD. So there's not much on. People who work in the accounting department always tell me crazy last minute stuff like, "You need to take vacation now, for 23 days, or you'll lose it all." Or, conversely, "We made a mistake about your vacation. If you're not in the office as you receive this message, your chair will ignite, burning down the building and you will be held responsible. Also: Give blood."

It's freaky. I try to stay indoors and eat as many chocolate chip cookies as possible. Or I go shopping and hate people when I do. And then I buy myself a bunch of stuff instead of presents for other people. It's non-traditional, but it's what I do. I'm also obsessed about days and time and putting stuff on calendars and making lists. This doesn't even begin to approach the insanity of making New Year's resolutions, which I treat with a reverence usually reserved for things that are holy. I'm all about the New Year's resolution. It's almost embarrassing. Make the list. Achieve the list. Or just flat out suck at life. Period. No excuses. New resolution for 2009: Don't be so ambitious. Also: Don't put your End of Year Lists off until late December again.

It's a strange time professionally. When I'm not losing vacation, I am writing Best of the Year lists. In this case, best of 2008. My lists are not normal. For instance, I'll have a list on Wednesday about events in 2008, a list the day after Christmas about cool things and stupid things and random notes about stuff that happened in 2008. Then, on Monday, the 29th, I'll have my pondered-over, super-obsessed, lame, late and lamentable "Better Than Every Other Critic's Best Things On TV in 2008 List." I usually flip-flop on my choices until I feel certain. Then I rethink the whole idea again and bang it out on deadline, the sound of settling in the air. Usually this is achieved while desperately catching up on the last few episodes of series I never finished, while hanging ornaments on the tree and mixing Aimee Mann with "Dexter." But, joy to the world, the lists will get made.

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Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 23 at 09:30 AM

Last TVTM podcast of '08. Tears in beers, bad singing, thank yous to all our regulars and, yes, more Walton. Happy Holidays!

As usual, "enjoy" might not be the right word. But thousands upon thousands of people across the world seem to be gluttons for punishment or at least "enjoy" listening to three inane people (yes, Manny is inane, too - don't go protecting him just because it's the holidays) as they try to create a podcast about television. Of course, it's only partly about television. And we give a seasonal hug and a big, sloppy and inappropriate (duh!) kiss under the mistletoe to all of you who figured that out early on and kept listening anyway. We love your twisted souls. As we close out 2008, I want to thank Question Boy (Joe Garofoli, the Chronicle's media and politics writer) for the thankless job of reading (poorly) all of your e-mails and for his glorious contributions to ill-advised signing and terribly hilarious impressions. I'd also like to thank Manny (Benny Evangelista, multimedia expert, savior to our Business Dept. and source of one woman's ridiculously funny dreams about him not fixing things while wearing a shorty robe) for first doing his job in silence while we made fun of him and then becoming a listener favorite and the only hard worker in the booth. Without his boss, Moreworkus Chan (Marcus Chan) whipping him like the Grinch whips his little dog Max, we'd never get these podcasts done and posted.

Punch the link for sloppy kisses and teary thank-yous and fond memories from the year in TVTM (and also for the actual podcast player): Read More »

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 19 at 11:40 AM

TVTM podcast: Worldwide Walton, Christmas cheer, old letters and answers. And stupidity.

Oh, Big Man, our impersonations are brrrruuuutal.

So, yeah, we were off for about a month. Vacations. Being sick. "Manny being Manny." But we got the Three Wise Men back in the studio (insert uproarious laughter right here) and went to work on bringing the TV Talk Machine podcast back to life for two versions this week. Question Boy (aka Joe Garofoli, Chronicle media writer) and Manny (aka Benny Evangelista, former savior to the Business Departement and "Tech Talk" guru) join me in the studio as we craft a real piece of work. Or piece of something. It's a pre-Christmas, end of 2008, feel-good chat-fest. We answer mail from November. We air calls. We wear Santa shorty robes. We drop the lengthy lead-in trying to explain what we're doing. And, without trying (because we never try) a theme develops: Worldwide Walton. French Walton. Irish Walton. Martinez French Walton. Canadian French Walton. Santa Walton. And yes, we even have a picture of the Big Man for all the people in the world who don't know who Bill Walton is, what he looks like or why we keep doing really bad impressions of him. It's a festive podcast, and we'll have another on Thursday! Joy to the world!

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 17 at 02:47 PM

Updated: Merry Christmas, baby: Best Christmas albums and songs ever!

She cleans up well for Christmas.

Updated: Oh, I just couldn't take the random comments that suggested I somehow didn't know that Kirsty MacColl sings (rather, duets) with Shane MacGowan on "Fairtyale of New York." Worse, I was told by someone that they'd never even heard the song (poor soul). So I've posted the video at the bottom. Preferably, you'll read this now and then reread it very late at night when that song pairs particularly well with a beverage. Ah, the boys in the NYPD choir...And by the way, if you're ready to hoist one late at night, spare a kind thought for Kirsty, God rest her soul.

Here's what happens when you come back from a week of being out sick and a week of vacation capped by a back injury, a couple of parties and some self-medicating: You forget things. Especially early in the morning. So I was on KFOG as usual this Monday and I forgot to bring in my favorite Christmas songs (and albums) to play. Even though they had some Aimee Mann to play - more on that shortly - they didn't have my favorite Christmas song: "Merry Christmas, Baby" from Charles Brown. Worse, when pressed to come up with more ideas, I folded. See? Not awake. The galling part is that I love all things Christmas, as I've said before. And I have a pretty impressive collection of cool Christmas tunes playing regularly at home this time of year (along with all the movie classics I've been mentioning here of late). Anyway, moved to correct this oversight I went back and dug through the archives for this post (more stealing from myself) and came up with this one, which I had put on my late, lamented personal blog. If only the Peet's had kicked in earlier, I might have remembered some of the chestnuts. Enjoy.

Here's a strange thing: I loathe the blues. Not in getting and wallowing in the blues. Not in a certain famous painter's awesome blue period. Not the color blue (cobalt and midnight, two particular favorites) or even Levi's blue jeans (brand loyalty - I'm big on that). No, I hate blues music. This from a former music critic. Let's not get into that. I've tried. I like some of it. But it's not my thing. And yet - and yet! - I love Charles Brown. Classy blues, someone once called that sound. Uptown blues. But I don't care about the classification. All I know is that my favorite Christmas song is "Merry Christmas, Baby." It can't be Christmas in my house until I hear it. In fact, "Charles Brown's Cool Christmas Blues" is one of the all-time great Christmas albums. (As an aside, I love how really great Christmas albums always find a way, usually on the last song, to give a nod to the pending New Year.)

I have a lot of Christmas music. Too much, maybe. But I don't let it linger with my other CDs. It's a seasonal thing. Can't stand to look at it any other time. But then I play it incessantly right about December 1, which is pretty much the day I buy my Christmas tree. I am listening to Christmas music as I write this. I'm even feeling that too many nights have passed without an adequate number of red wine fueled eves sitting by the tree, illuminated only by the tiny white lights, getting deep into the mood.

For me, it all starts with "Merry Christmas, Baby." It's like pitchers and catchers reporting for spring training. But from there, all hell breaks loose. All kinds of moods are lit and left littered about by all kinds of random songs. I'm open to interpretations. I love the classics. I love new stuff. In the right frame of mind, I'll go for cheese. (Is "Santa Baby" cheese? Say what you will, but you've gotta hear Eartha Kitt at some point before the big day.) I don't really want to hear that Santa got run over. I want to hear about chestnuts and having merry little Christmases. I just don't want it to be all Bing Crosby, even if the David Bowie duet of "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" is the Christmas equivalent of hitting one into McCovey Cove. I don't know how many times I've heard that, but every time I do, I stop and think: "Bowie and Bing. Wow."

With all due respect to Charles Brown, I'm going to tell you my three favorite Christmas albums - in order! - right now (you have to do it in order or you're just a gigantic wuss). And he's not in the trifecta. (How can that be, you say, if "Charles Brown's Cool Christmas Blues" is such a classic? Uh, because it's my opinion. Make your own list.)

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Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 16 at 09:30 AM

"Get the women back to Christmastown!"

Oh, sorry, just laughing and loving "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." It's that time of year for me - burning up some vacation, watching all the classics over and over again. I'm a sucker for all things Christmas - and Rankin/Bass. I've already written about the best Christmas classics ever, but now I want to start a new challenge amongst you deranged TV-loving souls. Quote your favorite lines from the classics - you can go sappy if you'd like, but weird and vaguely inappropriate or just wildly out of the era is what I'm looking for. "The best thing to do is get the women back to Christmastown." Man, that's a beauty. It doesn't make me laugh as much as thinking that Santa Claus sounds like Bill Walton, but close. And yes, pretty much everybody in my house is weary of me watching this and then doing Walton-as-Santa for the next two hours. "Oh mama, that's bruuuuutal." "You can't lead a team with that nose!"

The point is, if you listen long and hard to these classics, you'll pull a lot of gems out. "I haven't any dreams left to dream!" That's a good one when you're drunk and crying. And let's not kid ourselves - it's the holidays. Drunk and crying is the new black. But other lines, ahem, "cry out" for repeating. For instance, "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" - I've seen that what, 5,000 times? I guess I never picked up that the Grinch was 53 years old. Still bitter after all these years. Some great lines in that one as well. Anyway, have at it. Any Christmas classic. Any line you love. Points for making me laugh out loud while reading it again. Sometimes it's just a repetition thing. For instance, it could be July, but if someone says just one word - "Sombertown" - I'll hurt myself laughing. That's just how I'm wired. Try that when you come back from a long driving trip. First time you see the sign to your city, say "Sombertown!" out loud. It's never not funny. And lastly, this is a great little deconstruction of Santa's cranky pants.

Posted By: Tim Goodman (Email) | Dec 13 at 09:30 AM